Dear God
by Roriette
Summary: He begged, "You can take everything – everything, so please. Please don't take Yuu." (but God didn't listen, because God never listened, and here he is, 500 years later, in a quiet world. A terribly lonesome world. As it is, a world without Yuu.)


****Rori's Corner:** ** xposted from ao3 and tumblr. I haven't touched my ffnet acc in...years ish haha. anyway, no spoilers here as long as you're caught up with the anime. it should be multichap, but I'm really slow at writing so don't hold me to that (p.s I have a bad rep with updating)

hope you like and stuff, thank you c:

* * *

 ** **Dear God****

i. __do you see me?__

* * *

"Mister, is this the title that you wanted?"

Grey dust on the cover of the moleskin book speaks of its age, and Mikaela Hyakuya – simply Mikaela now, meaning to his last name lost throughout the centuries, and meaning to his first barely hanging on as he fades in and out of society like a wandering spirit – finds kinship in its weathered life.

 _ _Vampires, Demons, and Top Secret Experiments to Protect Humanity.__

He nods. "Yes."

The young librarian, a part-timer from college, smiles and continues down the aisle between shelves, pushing a cart of books. Tinge of red across her ears belies confidence. A flustered little human. If he closes his eyes and concentrates, then he will feel the brief elevation of blood, the thumps of rapid heartbeats, the dilation of vessels, and expansion of veins. She turns the corner, and his sensitive ears catch the echoes of the pulsations, how nice and velvet they sound against the depths of his eardrums, like moving silk and sweet liquid. They fade along with the rolling wheels, and Mika relaxes his grip on the book.

Vampires, huh.

An accursed species.

" _ _What a terribly, terribly long time they must suffer."__

Page one.

" _ _An animal destined for damnation."__

A welcoming introduction.

He wipes off the accumulated dust with his gloved hand. It only makes sense that none but a nostalgic member of a species destined for damnation would sit down to read an outdated documentary such as this.

Five hundred years from the date of its publication, it will serve as nothing but an antique recovered from the ancient war.

"Hey, wanna check out the coliseum later?"

"Are you kidding? The fee's like 20000 yen. Plus, we ain't old enough to enter, anyway."

Hushed and exciting chattering from the table behind. Mika lifts the hood over his head.

"Let's get your cousin to get us in, man. He has connections, right? And, don't you wanna see the vampires in action? I heard it's gonna be __bloody.__ "

"No way, it's gonna be vampires today?"

"Yeah, a death royale. They're going to fight for their survival until there's only one left."

"That's sick."

"Man up, bro. It's those damn vampires. I wanna see lights, blood, and limbs torn left and right."

"You're sick, dude."

Mika stands up, leaving the library silently.

"Come on, let's go."

"Ugh, fine. Don't bet on us getting in, though."

Five centuries later, it's the humans who rule the world. Vampires are just deplorable filfth used for entertainment.

* * *

"Heh? Look at what we have here. A little lost vampy being nostalgic."

Mika ignores the taunt, standing before the tombstone on the cliff of a hill, overlooking the sea. The wind blows and lifts flower seeds and wayward grass, and his coat flutters with the direction of the ocean breeze. The grey stone jutting from the dirt and grass is nameless, just like the many other anonymous corpses buried on this cliff. All deaths, but not one title to their bodies.

Meaningless deaths.

"Long time no see, Mikaela."

They don't mean anything, not to the present world. The blank tombs are carelessly scattered with a mocking tone, as if to say 'Behold this wreck. Here lies the monsters that humanity conquered. We have won.'

Humans have won…huh?

The tombstone before him is old, nameless, littered with cracks and indents, and covered halfway by moss. It's ironic. Almost laughable. Once a supreme vampire worshipped by hundreds and thousands of underlings, now reduced to such vulgarity unbefitting her stature.

"Krul Tepes, my lovely queen, this dirty ground is unworthy."

"You almost sound sad," Mika comments. "Ferid Bathory."

"Oh, how belittling of you, Mikaela Hyakuya. Even noble vampires like I am capable of such 'feelings.'" Ferid bends, procuring a bouquet of roses from behind his back and leaving it on the mound of dirt. The ocean waves tumble and splash, spewing foam on the cliffside. A pretty sea, sparkling white miles and miles across the horizon, where the sun meets the water and seagulls fly circles around the reminiscent sky.

Before them, the beauty of the continental sea. Behind them, the abandoned wasteland, littered with trash and all the dirtiness that mankind has no longer need for.

What irony.

"Humans have grown arrogant," Ferid tsks, crimson eyes turned towards the heaps of grotesque waste scattered over the crooked tombstones. Fat flies buzz and colonies of ants encircle each plastic bag. The overwhelming stench is offset by the constant sway of the sea breeze, and the two vampires, the remaining of their species still roaming free, with their hypersensitive senses thank the stars for that.

"Five hundred," Mika murmurs, letting out a small, held breath.

Ferid's eyebrow quirks. "So you are being nostalgic." He smirks, putting a hand on the blonde's shoulder. "Don't worry," he coos, leaning in, "big brother Ferid-sama will take care of you. There, there. After all, I am the only one whom you can call a companion. Aren't you just jumping with joy to have me?"

Shrugging off the impertinent hand, Mika turns around and passes the noble without so much as a glance in his direction. Years of dealing with the same, tired taunts have made him more than immune.

White cloak fluttering behind him, and a cryptic parting statement, "I would much rather have died" accompanies his leave.

Smirking humorlessly, Ferid watches the back of the un-aged vampire, as young as he was five hundred years prior, vanish down the hill. Would rather have died, huh? How insulting. Nonetheless a Mika-like thing to say. He's always been the brooding type. Not cute at all.

Even so. "Is it unlike me, Ferid Bathory, seventh progenitor of the once powerful vampiric lineage, then, to concur with such an irrational desire? What do you think, Your Highness?"

But the century old pile of dirt and ragged tombstone cannot answer.

* * *

" _ _Mika."__

Jet black hair, like the charcoal pieces of a volcanic eruption. Bright eyes, the color of emerald gem. Fire burning in the pits of his irises. The pained lilt of his voice as he lays in Mika's arms, lovely, lovely clear greens blurred, now, as he sucks in a painstakingly drawn breath, lapsing in and out of consciousness. His body limp, in his trembling arms, is much like a ragged doll.

All around them, the dead, the wounded, and the fighters, ones who have given up and the ones who have not, ones who still see the beacon of light and ones who hear the call of their maker. But none of it matters, none of it matters at all –

None of it will rewrite the ending.

" _ _I'm glad it's you, Mika."__

" _ _Yuu – please don't say that…"__ He sounds weak. Why does he sound so weak? Helpless. How pathetic is he? Yuu's right there, the punctures in his neck leaking blood, as if any minute now, he's going to die –by his hand. And all he can do is cry and splutter like that's going to save him. He's so stupid. " _ _Yuu, please, Yuu, oh god, please don't – please don't, anyone but him, anyone but – "__

" _ _The only one…I allow to drink my…blood…is you,"__ Yuu gasps, shivering and reaching for him. _"_ _ _This time, I'll – "__ he is hoarse, and sickly pale, blood almost entirely drained, shaky hand barely holding onto Mika's collar, fingers twitching. It hurts. _"_ _ _This time, I'll save you. Like how you did…for me."__ He smiles. _"_ _ _Live, Mika. We'll meet again…s-someday…so…you have to l-live, Mika."__

It's painful. He squeezes those callous fingers, that soiled hand which has drawn the sword for family.

The hand which have been dirtied – for him. How vain of him, to call himself Yuu's family, and this is how he betrays him.

" _ _Under article 1.3 of the Vampire Jurisdiction in the Bill of Rights, all demons of the vampiric heritage are considered Property. All vampires will abide by human authority. Consider them objects with neither rights nor privilege, and cut them down without mercy should they resist! Capture all vampires, and should they resist, kill them. I repeat, capture or kill, but do not under any circumstances, allow any one to run free. Go!"__

Bzz. Bzz. The intercom attached to Yuu's hip which lets the sergeants get in contact and call orders hasn't stopped making noise since the start of this gallant war.

" _ _Leave, Mika,"__ Yuu growls, punching his arm weakly. _"_ _ _If you let yourself become a slave…I'll never…ever forgive you. Leave! Go! Get –out!"__

" _ _Yuu, I can't. Don't ask me to do something unforgivable. I won't leave you here."__ Here comes the tears, the regrets, Yuu's sweet blood making its way up his throat, about to hurl. He doesn't deserve his blood. He's the one to blame – he's the one who took Yuu's life. It's not the humans, it's not the vampires, it's him.

He's the one killing Yuu. He's the most unforgivable of them all.

" _ _Y-uu-chan,"__ here comes the broken voice, the hot rush of tears, the twinge of loneliness, the devastating sorrow, the rampant thoughts __what have I done, what have I done, when all I wanted was to protect him from the dirty humans, so how did it end like this? I don't deserve to live.__

 _ _Dear God.__

" _ _Yuu? Are you there? Answer me. Oi, Hyakuya, where did that vampire family of yours take you? Are you alive? Oi!"__

 _ _You can take everything – everything, so please.__

Bzz. Bzz.

* * *

It's another morning. Another sun, another long, long day.

In the woods, it doesn't make much of a difference. Perhaps the leaves look more lively, or the earth feels warmer. But Mika stays inside the cabin for the majority of the sunlit hours, anyway. Direct contact with the sunlight makes him exceptionally tired.

His hands shake.

Another dream. No, a nightmare. It's always the same nightmare. It haunts him, wants to torment him. It feeds on his self-hatred. But he has more than enough to last five more centuries. He'll let it eat him for as long as he's standing.

" _ _Atonement?"__

" _ _It's why I'm still alive. Isn't it?"__

Isn't it?

"Yuu-chan…" a shallow whisper, lifeless blues, sharp fangs digging into chapped lip. These are the moments that make him vulnerable – that make him feel human. Though he's breathing and going through the motions of a living organism, he's hardly __living__.

" _ _Is that so? You don't wish to avenge your precious princess instead? That's quite the gloomy and not to mention, masochistic view. Well, if you ever change your mind, you know where to look. Just make sure you don't mingle too much with the livestock, or you might get captured and turned into livestock, instead."__

The quiet of the woods, the chirping of birds, rustling of leaves, the running of the river stream, all of nature's tranquility only mock him. Ferid had looked almost pitying. He detested it. He didn't need pity.

 _ _I'm so tired, Yuu-chan.__ When the wind blows through the quiet forest, and the willowy branches of the weathered trunks bow in unison, so does he breathe as if the very last of him is gone with the wind.

 _ _Hurry up…I want to hurry up and see you again. Or is that not possible? I forget; heaven's gates won't open for a demon like me. Haha, how stupid of me to have forgotten. Even you…I even…to you…__

"I'm hopeless, Yuu-chan," he sighs, shuttered and uneven, the simple act of respiration like carrying a giant boulder. "I'm the worst. I lost control and preyed on you as if you were livestock. I thought humanity was our enemy. I thought my duty was to protect you. I never knew – I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, Yuu-chan. I can't face you. I'm the worst. What right do I have to call you family? What right do I have…to see you?"

 _ _Yuu…do you want to see me? If you do, then I'll disobey all the laws in the world. Or if you hate me, then all you have to do is say the word, and I'll hang myself on a cliff and suffocate for eternity. For you, I'd do anything.__

"I'll do anything, that's why, please..."

 _ _Dear God. You can take everything – everything, so please.__

He can hear it, the screams and the demolished buildings falling around them, Yuu's fading warmth in his arms, his radiant irises turning lackluster, the relieved smile over his face, and the way that smile waned as his life was slowly drained. How unfairly vivid it is in his memory.

 _ _Please don't take Yuu.__

"I want to – "

"Oooiii, is anybody home? Hellooo? Hey! Can you hear me?!"

A human? In this deep part of the suicide forest? That's strange. Stranger then, that he was so absorbed in wallowing that he didn't even register their presence. No person who's thrown themself off the cliff into the suicide forest has survived the impact to stumble upon this cabin. Plus, he made sure it was hidden in the thickest woods, so that this wouldn't have happened. A human would have lost themselves in circles and died by starvation before they wound up at his front door. This must be the first time.

"Hey! I'm lost, so can you help me out? Helloooooo?"

Impertinent. Mika thinks about ignoring the visitor and continuing the pretense of an invisible man (or in this case, vampire). He tries and succeeds for about two minutes, wherein the rude visitor suddenly comes back full force with a vengeance, pounding at the cabin door with an object, iron or steel by the sound of it. "I know you're in there! Come on, there's the smell of food, y'know!"

"Tch." Typical humans. Obnoxious, rowdy, vile, and brainless, expecting to be helped for no other reason than the concept of humanity.

" _ _Humans have grown arrogant,"__ Ferid's voice echoes in his ears. He must be going crazy, because even Ferid's starting to make sense.

He will put an end to this hapless human.

"Cease your incessant, negative IQ pounding, and shut up – "

The words get stuck in his throat, and he stares, icy blues frozen in shock.

"So you __were__ in there!"

Charcoal wisps of raven hair, bright emerald eyes, sharp and wide like a cat's, smile cheek to cheek in the confident and bratty manner that has never left Mika's dreams. Is he still dreaming? What if he wakes up? What if this is all just a hallucination –

" _ _Live, Mika. We'll meet again…s-someday…so…you have to l-live, Mika."__

 _ _Live, Mika.__

 _ _We'll meet again...s-someday...__

He has never believed in a god.

After all that's happened, what's there to believe in?

But now...it's as if there's truly a god.

 _ _Dear God. You can take everything – everything, so please.__

 _ _Please don't take Yuu.__

"Y-Yuu...chan?"


End file.
